One unfortunate reality of doing a favourite 2023 shows list is that I also have to reveal the 2023 shows that didn’t work for me. I always feel bad when admitting I didn’t enjoy a piece of theatre during these difficult times for the industry, but the one thing I have to do as a critic is keep my integrity.
At best, these are the lower end of 3 stars. At worst, they’re two star shows that left me disappointed and baffled. I’ll never say anything’s just bad unless it’s downright offensive or hateful and my criticism will always be constructive. If you loved any of these shows, more power to you, and just remember that this is my opinion and you don’t have to agree with it.
My 10 MOST Disappointing 2023 Shows
10) Rebecca The Musical – Charing Cross Theatre
Even taking out my love for the Vienna production, I couldn’t help but be disappointed in how the long-awaited English premiere turned out. While featuring a wonderful cast I could picture doing a full transfer and Michael Kunze’s stunning music, my issue was the show itself was too big for the venue. With an odd aesthetic that veered into community theatre territory (even then I’ve seen better), clunky changes to the story and song’s structure and new songs that added nothing, this production shouldn’t be the stamp left on the show in the English speaking theatre world after its decade of scandals to get here.
I knew going in that we weren’t going to have a staircase on fire, but all else I’ll say is I hope we’ll eventually get to see a full transfer because I feel Rebecca in its bombastic glory would resonate with British audiences.
9) Then, Now and Next – Southwark Playhouse Borough
I feel bad criticising new musicals and the creatives should be proud for getting this show off the ground, but I felt like this needed a few more workshops to realise its full potential.
While featuring an emotionally raw lead performance from Alice Fearn along with the always amazing Joaquin Pedro Valdes and Peter Hannah, the characters and plot felt very basic in trying to explore grieving the love of your life while being in a new relationship. The generic pop songs didn’t add much to the plot and often featured clumsy lyrics, but my for most of the show I was just left feeling bored to the point I didn’t even remember seeing it while compiling my end ofnyear lists.
None of my thoughts on the show should be a reflection of the people involved because I know how amazing and talented they are. It was just sad watching something while thinking about how much better it could be.
8) The Bodyguard – New Wimbledon Theatre
I really feel for the show following the PR nightmare that was the This Morning ‘debate’ and Manchester performance’s cancellation which set theatre Twitter ablaze throughout the Easter weekend, I couldn’t help but be disappointed by the show itself when I saw it. While there was creativity using Whitney Houston music sung by the amazing Melody Thornton (and a very sexy stalker), what didn’t work for me was the main romance. When I don’t care about that, the rest of the show ends up falling apart. Plagued with lighting/projection issues and unintentionally funny scenes that failed to bring tension or stakes, I didn’t feel like dancing with somebody afterwards.
7) The Third Man – Menier Chocolate Factory
My disappointment in this show came down to one question: Did this need to be a musical? Based on the 1949 thriller, I felt that bringing the movie to the stage ended up losing the elements that made it a revolutionary piece of filmmaking. While performers including Simon Bailey did their best with the material given, its pacing dragged with little suspense, featured pointless songs with clunky lyrics and a dull monochrome aesthetic that failed to replicate the moody film noir atmosphere. It’s safe to say going to Vienna a week later was better than seeing this show.
6) Shrek the Musical – New Wimbledon Theatre
I saw the very first preview of the West End production of Shrek The Musical in 2011, and I consider that one to be the definitive version of the show. Having said that, seeing the show’s noticeable downgrade for its UK tour made me feel let down. While the visuals go for a camp and over the top aesthetic, the over reliance on projections and screens lacked immersiveness and creativity. With strange changes i.e. Lord Farquaad no longer being short, that left once clever jokes confusing, dated humour being kept in while removing others and performances that sometimes got on my nerves (through no fault of the cast), I have to be honest and say I quickly got ogre this after seeing it.
5) Idiots Assemble: Spitting Image The Musical – Phoenix Theatre
I was invited to review this show for BroadwayWorld and gave it three stars. Looking back, I was too kind on it. While I’ll still praise the puppeteers and caricatured sets and puppets that paid tribute to the TV show’s offbeat look, it was the material that brought it down for me. Namely, the decision to have celebrity impressionists pre-record their vocals instead of having them onstage. Immediately dating the material, it made me question whether Spitting Image was right for the stage in today’s fast-paced social media world where anything about the celebrities it targeted could instantly change, told best when they had to hastily include a joke about Nicola Sturgeon’s arrest on press night.
Not filled with many laughs, what I didn’t expect to see in 2023 was a musical number about men thinking with their dicks featuring giant penises shooting white streamers at the audience…
4) To Have And To Hold – Hampstead Theatre
Another one I reviewed for BroadwayWorld, it ended up being my first two star show for the site. Written by the man behind One Man Two Guvners, my issue came down to exploring the wrong generations in the topics it wanted to discuss and ended up feeling dated. As we spend our time watching a dysfunctional family meander through random conversations, we had to put up with unfunny jokes and running gags involving rhubarb along with possibly the most abrupt ending I’ve seen this year both in tone and execution. Some people say marriage is like being in prison – that’s how it felt watching this show.
3) The Crown Jewels – Garrick Theatre
The worst thing a comedy can be is not funny, and that’s what it was like watching The Crown Jewels. While featuring British comedy staples including Al Murray, Mel Giedroyc, Neil Morrissey and Joe Thomas along with musical theatre superstar Carrie Hope Fletcher, it felt like everyone was at different wavelengths on the type of humour to convey in this strangely dull retelling of Colonol Blood’s plan to steal King Charles II crown jewels. With little material to sustain a two-and-a-half hour show, the best it gave me was a few polite chuckles instead of the belly aching laughs I wanted.
2) We Will Rock You – London Coliseum
I was curious about this revival as I never saw the original Dominion production, so my experience was strange. With barely a plot to speak of, the show never justified the use of Queen songs to the point nothing was wrapped up before going straight into the clap-along of the title song. The sets, costumes and lighting tried to add grandeur to fit the London Coliseum’s massive stage, it couldn’t help but highlight the general cheapness. While the cast was phenomenal, especially Christina Allado, Lee Mead and Brenda Edwards fully embracing the madness, I didn’t care about the paper thin characters who felt more concerned with making jokes about pop songs than adding anything of substance.
I can understand why the show has spawned a devoted following with its “underdogs sticking it to the man” narrative, but when it’s banking on the success of one of the biggest groups of all time while trying to say social media/AI is destroying “real music”, that message rang hollow for me.
1) Aspects of Love – Lyric Theatre
This was my first real dud of the year, and it unfortunately ended up being my least favourite 2023 show. My main issue was compared to the other revivals I saw this year that took huge risks and paid off even with their dated material (including an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical of all things), it was disappointing seeing one that played its strangely incestuous and uncomfortable plot so painfully straight. Plagued with unintentionally funny scenes and questionable relationship dynamics that could’ve been interesting had there been changes in the direction and tone, I left the theatre feeling bewildered and icky out instead of passionate and enamoured.
While Michael Ball can try bringing back the good old days by singing the song that skyrocketed his career, love can also change everything for the worst. Perhaps somebody should’ve told the creatives that the changes shouldn’t have stopped at ageing up a character’s daughter who’s in love with her cousin to a legal adult…
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